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Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Great, Scott!

In case the picture of the Hindenburg crashing and burning didn’t make it clear, this is a post about the Super Bowl.
Actually, it’s about boneheaded decisions, tempting fate, and messing with the cosmic forces of nature.
Which means it really is about the Super Bowl.
But not just this year's game.  THAT ONE.  The one that ripped out the heart of every Bills fan, and scarred our psyche for the rest of our lives.
Why did I feel compelled to bring it up again?
Blame Scott Norwood.
Look, I don’t blame him for losing the game….he just failed to win it for us.
But now he’s messing with us again.
Did you see the story that his AFC Championship rings are up for auction?
My first reaction was “Oh my God, some deranged Bills fan is going to buy them and bring them to Buffalo”.
I liked Scott Norwood.  He was a good kicker except for that one moment when we really needed him.
By all accounts, he’s a good human being.  And maybe he needs the money.  Maybe he’s in debt.  I hope he gets lots of money for the rings….AS LONG AS THEY DON’T COME HERE.
It’s that cosmic forces thing.
We all know, deep down inside, that if Scott Norwood made that field goal, life in Western New York would have been different.
The Bills would have won at least one more Super Bowl.
No Goal would have been ruled no goal.
Home Run Throwback would have been ruled a forward lateral.
We’d have Bass Pro.  We’d have a new Peace Bridge.
It would be like “It’s a Wonderful Life”.
But none of it happened, because Scott Norwood missed the kick.
So he has to stay away.
Scott Norwood, or anything that has anything to do with Scott Norwood, cannot come back to Western New York until after the Bills actually win a Super Bowl.
You think I’m over-reacting?
Don’t mess with cosmic forces.
Remember a couple years ago when the Bills looked pretty good.  We even dared to use the P-word.  But then it happened.  Scott Norwood.
In their infinite wisdom, the Bills decided it was time to honor Norwood.
So naturally, the team lost that game.  They stunk.  And the lost the next game.  And the next one, and the one after that.  Seven in a row and the season went down the tube.
Cosmic forces.
Which brings me to this year’s Super Bowl.
Congratulations, Seattle.  You’ve become Buffalo.
Admit it, Bills fans.  When they threw that interception, we had these three reactions in the next 2.7 seconds:

  • I can’t believe they did that.
  • I can’t believe they gave the game to the Patriots.
  • That’s what usually happens to us.
We’re Bills fans, we expect things like that to happen to us…..we expect to lose in a devastatingly disappointing way because it happens to us all the time.
So maybe it happened to Seattle because of cosmic forces.
Maybe because of Marshawn Lynch.  Since they got him, he’s played well and has never hit anyone with his car or gotten caught with a gun in his trunk or done any of the other stupid things he did here.
Admit it, even though we hate the Patriots with the heat of a thousand suns, there was something just a little rewarding about knowing Lynch was deprived of the chance to be the hero.
Maybe because of Pete Carroll.  Slimy, smarmy Pete Carroll will forever be known as the man who made the dumbest decision in the history of the Super Bowl.  Maybe in the history of professional sports.  Hell, let’s call it one of the worst decisions in the history of the world.
Although filling the Hindenburg with hydrogen didn’t work out all that well.
Neither did President McKinley’s decision to come to Buffalo in 1901.
Cosmic forces again.  That’s when things started going downhill for us. 
Hmmmm….maybe if McKinley hadn’t been shot, Norwood would have made the kick.

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