A Killer Comedy

Something happened the other night that surprised me.  I laughed at OJ Simpson.   

I LAUGHED AT OJ.

Go figure.

Here’s how it happened.  I went with friends to see “The Naked Gun” at the Screening Room, a local cinema-café that shows classic movies.

And when it comes to comedies, “The Naked Gun” is a classic.  It’s on my list of the five funniest movies ever made.  I saw it several times in movie theatres when it first came out, and have seen it approximately a zillion times over the years at home.

But there’s a difference between watching a movie at home and seeing it in a theatre…even a small one.

Seeing it in this setting…a room full of people laughing and giggling along with me (although I was louder than most) made a very funny movie even funnier.

And OJ was truly funny.

The first scene….where he gets riddled with bullets, then burns his hand on a hot stove, has a window slam down on him, bounces off wet paint, gets his foot caught in a bear trap….great slapstick humor.

The same for the scene where the hospital bed keeps folding up on him.

And at the end, when Leslie Nielsen sends his wheelchair careening down the steps at the stadium and he goes flying like a rag doll….laugh out loud funny.

And not once, while I was laughing at OJ, did I think about the fact that he brutally murdered two people.  (Allegedly.  Never convicted.  But we know the truth, don’t we?)

Anyway, while I was laughing at him being bonked and bounced around like one of the Three Stooges,  I never thought about Nicole and Ron.  A savage double slaying that became part of the late night comedy monologues.  A murder trial that was must-see TV.  And a verdict that helped drive a wedge through race relations in this country.

But I thought about all of that after the movie.

I thought about how sad it all was.  I thought about the two people who died, and all the other people who are still suffering.

Including OJ.

Even if you think he got away with murder, think about him today.  Sitting in a Nevada prison cell.

Talk about a fall from grace.  It doesn’t get much more extreme than him.

Hall of Fame football player.  Acting career.  Commercials.  Rich, famous, and really really popular.

People all over America loved and idolized him.  Here in Buffalo, we loved and idolized him even more.

He was ours.  He was the greatest Buffalo Bill of all time.  (Sorry Jim, Thurman, and Bruce….if you only look at skill on the football field, it’s no contest)

Then he became a villain.  And a punch line.  And a convict.

When I worked at Skunkpost, I wrote stories about OJ all the time.  Most were snarky, but some were serious.   Some were even picked up by national publications.  Because all you have to do is put OJ in a headline, and people will read the story.

Skunkpost was 15 years after the murders, and OJ was still making news.

Hell, he’s still making news now.

Just today I saw a story about potential casting for a mini-series about his trial.

The other day I read that ESPN’s “30 for 30” series is going to do a long-form documentary about OJ.

It will never stop.

And we’ll never stop being interested.

Even if for a couple hours in a movie theatre, we forget how much we hate him now, and remember how much we liked him then.

And we laugh.

   

Brady, Belichick, Balls and Bills Fans

Thank you, New England Patriots.

That’s right, a Bills fan is thanking the team we hate.

For two reasons.

One, they’ve inspired me to get back to this blog, for the first time in a very very long time.  I’ve missed it….I’ve thought about it a lot…but nothing got me inspired enough.

Thank you, New England Patriots for that.

The second reason is much more important.   

Thank you Patriots for making what is usually THE WORST WEEK OF THE YEAR for Bills fans actually bearable.  At times, even enjoyable.

That’s right, Super Bowl week.  That’s right, there’s a game Sunday.  A really important game.  But who cares, other than the Patriots, the Seahawks, their fans, gamblers, advertisers, network executives, and Roger Goodell.

Nope, America cares about Tom Brady’s balls.  How soft are they?  How did they get that way?  (Does anyone else see the irony in someone married to a supermodel liking his balls deflated?)

Here we are, one day away from the game, and Deflategate is still being talked about as much as, if not more than, the game itself.

Did the Patriots cheat?  What will the NFL do about it?

The polls.
The pundits.
The panic.

It’s like an election, except no one is saying anything as stupid as Rick Perry.

Actually, lots of people are.   

Especially Patriots fans.  Have you been on any of their forums?  There are so many conspiracy theories coming out of New England, the only thing missing is Oliver Stone.

Patriots fans are acting all outraged and saying it’s an NFL conspiracy to discredit their team and fans of every other team are just jealous of the Pats and they wouldn’t cheat, they’ve never done anything wrong.    

Oh, wait a minute.

Everyone has an opinion.  Everyone is sharing their opinion.  Everyone is talking about it, even if they’re saying they’re sick of talking about it.

So why is this so good for Bills fans?

Because ordinarily, Super Bowl week is our week of hell.  You can’t turn on a sports network or go to a website without seeing stories about the greatest Super Bowls ever, which means seeing Wide Right every 22.7 minutes.  Or the biggest Super Bowl goats of all time, which means seeing Wide Right every 22.7 minutes.  Or the biggest Super Bowl disappointments of all time, which means seeing Wide Right every 22.7 minutes.

Okay, you get the idea.  This is also the week we see Leon Lett, Thurman’s helmet, and of course Jimmy Johnson’s hair being mussed up.

I HATE SUPER BOWL WEEK.

Usually it’s a week-long trip down a memory lane loaded with heartache and heartburn.

An annual reminder of our four straight losses.

Although, 20 years later, the accomplishment of getting there four straight years, bouncing back after every disappointment, does get as much if not more recognition than the four straight losses.

Every year, this week is a constant barrage of bad memories.

But not this year.   Maybe I’ve missed it, but I haven’t seen as much as usual.

And that’s because all this hot air about air in footballs has taken up so much of the airwaves.

So thank you Patriots.

And speaking of the game…..could anyone be less excited?  Other than Patriots and Seahawks fans, does anyone in America like either of these teams?

Usually we have a team to root for, or one to root against.

But as a Bills fan, what are our options?

We know we can’t root for the Patriots.  It’s against every fiber of our being.

Which leaves Seattle.  The lesser of two evils.  Evil being the key word.

Pete Carroll.  Slimy, arrogant, obnoxious Pete Carroll. 

And then there’s Marshawn Lynch.   He may be playing at a Hall of Fame level right now, but when he was here, he was in our Hall of Shame.  The hit and run.  The gun in the trunk.  The restaurant incident.

When he was traded, did anyone really think he wouldn’t end up suspended again or worse?

Instead, he’s a bigger punk on a bigger stage.  And he could get his second Super Bowl ring…assuming he hasn’t lost the first one fleeing the scene of a crime.  That would give him as many as Elway.  One more than Peyton Manning, or Walter Payton.

Personally, I don’t want either team to win.  My best-case scenario is a giant sinkhole opening up at the stadium and swallowing both teams.  (Of course it’s far more likely that a sinkhole would only open up on the Seahawks side, and the Patriots’ ballboy will be seen running from the stadium with a shovel and Tom Brady will admit that he likes soft dirt)

But however the game turns out, we all owe the Patriots a big thank you.

It’s actually been a fun week.   

For a change.

 

Thank you, Giants!

 

I can’t believe I’m saying this…..for the second time in four years.

Thank you, Giants!

Thank you for making the worst week of the year for Bills fans end on a happy note.

Wouldn’t it have been awful if the Patriots had won?  The team we hate, led by the coach we despise and the quarterback we loathe, winning the big game.  Again.  For the fourth time.  Matching the number of times we lost.

How sad is it that we actually have to root for the Giants.  The team that won the one Super Bowl we actually had a chance of winning.  Before the cosmic forces lined up against us, and began the process of turning Bills fans from hopeful to hopeless.

That’s why I hate Super Bowl week so much.  Whatever sports network we watch, whatever sports website we’re on, we can’t avoid the memories.

How many times did we see Wide Right?  Leon Lett?  Thurman Thomas’ fumble?  Thurman Thomas’ helmet?  Jimmy Johnson’s hair being mussed up?  And the list goes on.  It’s a week-long trip down the memory lane of hell.

I know what you’re thinking.  Now that all those years have passed, the fact that the Bills made it to four straight Super Bowls is recognized as a real accomplishment.  That team is more respected now than it was when it was getting its butt kicked in the big game.  No other team will ever get there four years in a row.  Even if that means no other team will ever lose four in a row.  Okay, I’ll give you that….those Bills teams do get some respect.  But they’re also featured in every ESPN & NFL Network special about the 10 worst Super Bowls.  And the 10 worst Super Bowl quarterback performances.  And the 10 biggest Super Bowl goats.  And so on.  And so on.  God, I hate Super Bowl week.

Every once in a while, it throws us a bone.  After all, it’s also when we find out who’s going into the Hall of Fame.  So we were able to celebrate Marv.  And Jim.  And Thurman.  And Bruce.  And Joe D.  Even Ralph.

But this year….once again….another reason to hate Super Bowl week.  Our hopes for Andre Reed joining his teammates in Canton were dashed again.  The only good news is that Bill Parcells didn’t get in.  Wouldn’t that have rubbed salt in it?  At least the committee spared us that.

And this year….as if looking back on all our Super Bowl nightmares wasn’t enough….we had our Brady bashing.  Come on, did the Golden Boy really have to slam Buffalo hotels on the biggest sports stage of the year?

I know, downtown Buffalo is no Manhattan.  Or even Cleveland.  But Tom Brady’s little slam became the hotel shot heard round the world.  Bills fans were outraged.  Our civic pride was hurt.

But wait a minute.

You know those cosmic forces?  The ones that have kicked us in the teeth so many times?  Remember how they shifted when the Bills played the Patriots back in September?  And snapped that 15-game losing streak to New England?  Remember the four interceptions Brady threw?  Remember how the Bills took advantage of the kinds of breaks that usually go the Patriots’ way?

Maybe….just maybe…..the cosmic forces are beginning to abandon Brady.  Think about this….his whole playoff legacy began with “the tuck rule”.  Last night, Tuck ruled.  When Justin Tuck’s pressure led to the safety on Brady’s first play, that had cosmic forces written all over it.  Okay….I still hate Super Bowl week.  And I will until the Bills are back in the big game.  If that ever happens again.   And if they ever actually win.

But at least this year, our week from hell had a happy ending.  So a big thank you to the New York Giants.  And a bigger one to the cosmic forces.