Great, Scott!

In case the picture of the Hindenburg crashing and burning didn’t make it clear, this is a post about the Super Bowl.

Actually, it’s about boneheaded decisions, tempting fate, and messing with the cosmic forces of nature.

Which means it really is about the Super Bowl.

But not just this year's game.  THAT ONE.  The one that ripped out the heart of every Bills fan, and scarred our psyche for the rest of our lives.

Why did I feel compelled to bring it up again?

Blame Scott Norwood.

Look, I don’t blame him for losing the game….he just failed to win it for us.

But now he’s messing with us again.

Did you see the story that his AFC Championship rings are up for auction?

My first reaction was “Oh my God, some deranged Bills fan is going to buy them and bring them to Buffalo”.

NOOOOOOO!  THAT CAN’T HAPPEN!

I liked Scott Norwood.  He was a good kicker except for that one moment when we really needed him.

By all accounts, he’s a good human being.  And maybe he needs the money.  Maybe he’s in debt.  I hope he gets lots of money for the rings….AS LONG AS THEY DON’T COME HERE.

It’s that cosmic forces thing.

We all know, deep down inside, that if Scott Norwood made that field goal, life in Western New York would have been different.

The Bills would have won at least one more Super Bowl.

No Goal would have been ruled no goal.

Home Run Throwback would have been ruled a forward lateral.

We’d have Bass Pro.  We’d have a new Peace Bridge.

It would be like “It’s a Wonderful Life”.

But none of it happened, because Scott Norwood missed the kick.

So he has to stay away.

Scott Norwood, or anything that has anything to do with Scott Norwood, cannot come back to Western New York until after the Bills actually win a Super Bowl.

You think I’m over-reacting?

Don’t mess with cosmic forces.

Remember a couple years ago when the Bills looked pretty good.  We even dared to use the P-word.  But then it happened.  Scott Norwood.

In their infinite wisdom, the Bills decided it was time to honor Norwood.

So naturally, the team lost that game.  They stunk.  And the lost the next game.  And the next one, and the one after that.  Seven in a row and the season went down the tube.

Cosmic forces.

Which brings me to this year’s Super Bowl.

Congratulations, Seattle.  You’ve become Buffalo.

Admit it, Bills fans.  When they threw that interception, we had these three reactions in the next 2.7 seconds:

• I can’t believe they did that.
• I can’t believe they gave the game to the Patriots.
• That’s what usually happens to us.

We’re Bills fans, we expect things like that to happen to us…..we expect to lose in a devastatingly disappointing way because it happens to us all the time.

So maybe it happened to Seattle because of cosmic forces.

Maybe because of Marshawn Lynch.  Since they got him, he’s played well and has never hit anyone with his car or gotten caught with a gun in his trunk or done any of the other stupid things he did here.

Admit it, even though we hate the Patriots with the heat of a thousand suns, there was something just a little rewarding about knowing Lynch was deprived of the chance to be the hero.

Maybe because of Pete Carroll.  Slimy, smarmy Pete Carroll will forever be known as the man who made the dumbest decision in the history of the Super Bowl.  Maybe in the history of professional sports.  Hell, let’s call it one of the worst decisions in the history of the world.

Although filling the Hindenburg with hydrogen didn’t work out all that well.

Neither did President McKinley’s decision to come to Buffalo in 1901.

Cosmic forces again.  That’s when things started going downhill for us. 

Hmmmm….maybe if McKinley hadn’t been shot, Norwood would have made the kick.

Brady, Belichick, Balls and Bills Fans

Thank you, New England Patriots.

That’s right, a Bills fan is thanking the team we hate.

For two reasons.

One, they’ve inspired me to get back to this blog, for the first time in a very very long time.  I’ve missed it….I’ve thought about it a lot…but nothing got me inspired enough.

Thank you, New England Patriots for that.

The second reason is much more important.   

Thank you Patriots for making what is usually THE WORST WEEK OF THE YEAR for Bills fans actually bearable.  At times, even enjoyable.

That’s right, Super Bowl week.  That’s right, there’s a game Sunday.  A really important game.  But who cares, other than the Patriots, the Seahawks, their fans, gamblers, advertisers, network executives, and Roger Goodell.

Nope, America cares about Tom Brady’s balls.  How soft are they?  How did they get that way?  (Does anyone else see the irony in someone married to a supermodel liking his balls deflated?)

Here we are, one day away from the game, and Deflategate is still being talked about as much as, if not more than, the game itself.

Did the Patriots cheat?  What will the NFL do about it?

The polls.
The pundits.
The panic.

It’s like an election, except no one is saying anything as stupid as Rick Perry.

Actually, lots of people are.   

Especially Patriots fans.  Have you been on any of their forums?  There are so many conspiracy theories coming out of New England, the only thing missing is Oliver Stone.

Patriots fans are acting all outraged and saying it’s an NFL conspiracy to discredit their team and fans of every other team are just jealous of the Pats and they wouldn’t cheat, they’ve never done anything wrong.    

Oh, wait a minute.

Everyone has an opinion.  Everyone is sharing their opinion.  Everyone is talking about it, even if they’re saying they’re sick of talking about it.

So why is this so good for Bills fans?

Because ordinarily, Super Bowl week is our week of hell.  You can’t turn on a sports network or go to a website without seeing stories about the greatest Super Bowls ever, which means seeing Wide Right every 22.7 minutes.  Or the biggest Super Bowl goats of all time, which means seeing Wide Right every 22.7 minutes.  Or the biggest Super Bowl disappointments of all time, which means seeing Wide Right every 22.7 minutes.

Okay, you get the idea.  This is also the week we see Leon Lett, Thurman’s helmet, and of course Jimmy Johnson’s hair being mussed up.

I HATE SUPER BOWL WEEK.

Usually it’s a week-long trip down a memory lane loaded with heartache and heartburn.

An annual reminder of our four straight losses.

Although, 20 years later, the accomplishment of getting there four straight years, bouncing back after every disappointment, does get as much if not more recognition than the four straight losses.

Every year, this week is a constant barrage of bad memories.

But not this year.   Maybe I’ve missed it, but I haven’t seen as much as usual.

And that’s because all this hot air about air in footballs has taken up so much of the airwaves.

So thank you Patriots.

And speaking of the game…..could anyone be less excited?  Other than Patriots and Seahawks fans, does anyone in America like either of these teams?

Usually we have a team to root for, or one to root against.

But as a Bills fan, what are our options?

We know we can’t root for the Patriots.  It’s against every fiber of our being.

Which leaves Seattle.  The lesser of two evils.  Evil being the key word.

Pete Carroll.  Slimy, arrogant, obnoxious Pete Carroll. 

And then there’s Marshawn Lynch.   He may be playing at a Hall of Fame level right now, but when he was here, he was in our Hall of Shame.  The hit and run.  The gun in the trunk.  The restaurant incident.

When he was traded, did anyone really think he wouldn’t end up suspended again or worse?

Instead, he’s a bigger punk on a bigger stage.  And he could get his second Super Bowl ring…assuming he hasn’t lost the first one fleeing the scene of a crime.  That would give him as many as Elway.  One more than Peyton Manning, or Walter Payton.

Personally, I don’t want either team to win.  My best-case scenario is a giant sinkhole opening up at the stadium and swallowing both teams.  (Of course it’s far more likely that a sinkhole would only open up on the Seahawks side, and the Patriots’ ballboy will be seen running from the stadium with a shovel and Tom Brady will admit that he likes soft dirt)

But however the game turns out, we all owe the Patriots a big thank you.

It’s actually been a fun week.   

For a change.

 

Thank you, Giants!

 

I can’t believe I’m saying this…..for the second time in four years.

Thank you, Giants!

Thank you for making the worst week of the year for Bills fans end on a happy note.

Wouldn’t it have been awful if the Patriots had won?  The team we hate, led by the coach we despise and the quarterback we loathe, winning the big game.  Again.  For the fourth time.  Matching the number of times we lost.

How sad is it that we actually have to root for the Giants.  The team that won the one Super Bowl we actually had a chance of winning.  Before the cosmic forces lined up against us, and began the process of turning Bills fans from hopeful to hopeless.

That’s why I hate Super Bowl week so much.  Whatever sports network we watch, whatever sports website we’re on, we can’t avoid the memories.

How many times did we see Wide Right?  Leon Lett?  Thurman Thomas’ fumble?  Thurman Thomas’ helmet?  Jimmy Johnson’s hair being mussed up?  And the list goes on.  It’s a week-long trip down the memory lane of hell.

I know what you’re thinking.  Now that all those years have passed, the fact that the Bills made it to four straight Super Bowls is recognized as a real accomplishment.  That team is more respected now than it was when it was getting its butt kicked in the big game.  No other team will ever get there four years in a row.  Even if that means no other team will ever lose four in a row.  Okay, I’ll give you that….those Bills teams do get some respect.  But they’re also featured in every ESPN & NFL Network special about the 10 worst Super Bowls.  And the 10 worst Super Bowl quarterback performances.  And the 10 biggest Super Bowl goats.  And so on.  And so on.  God, I hate Super Bowl week.

Every once in a while, it throws us a bone.  After all, it’s also when we find out who’s going into the Hall of Fame.  So we were able to celebrate Marv.  And Jim.  And Thurman.  And Bruce.  And Joe D.  Even Ralph.

But this year….once again….another reason to hate Super Bowl week.  Our hopes for Andre Reed joining his teammates in Canton were dashed again.  The only good news is that Bill Parcells didn’t get in.  Wouldn’t that have rubbed salt in it?  At least the committee spared us that.

And this year….as if looking back on all our Super Bowl nightmares wasn’t enough….we had our Brady bashing.  Come on, did the Golden Boy really have to slam Buffalo hotels on the biggest sports stage of the year?

I know, downtown Buffalo is no Manhattan.  Or even Cleveland.  But Tom Brady’s little slam became the hotel shot heard round the world.  Bills fans were outraged.  Our civic pride was hurt.

But wait a minute.

You know those cosmic forces?  The ones that have kicked us in the teeth so many times?  Remember how they shifted when the Bills played the Patriots back in September?  And snapped that 15-game losing streak to New England?  Remember the four interceptions Brady threw?  Remember how the Bills took advantage of the kinds of breaks that usually go the Patriots’ way?

Maybe….just maybe…..the cosmic forces are beginning to abandon Brady.  Think about this….his whole playoff legacy began with “the tuck rule”.  Last night, Tuck ruled.  When Justin Tuck’s pressure led to the safety on Brady’s first play, that had cosmic forces written all over it.  Okay….I still hate Super Bowl week.  And I will until the Bills are back in the big game.  If that ever happens again.   And if they ever actually win.

But at least this year, our week from hell had a happy ending.  So a big thank you to the New York Giants.  And a bigger one to the cosmic forces.