Great, Scott!

In case the picture of the Hindenburg crashing and burning didn’t make it clear, this is a post about the Super Bowl.

Actually, it’s about boneheaded decisions, tempting fate, and messing with the cosmic forces of nature.

Which means it really is about the Super Bowl.

But not just this year's game.  THAT ONE.  The one that ripped out the heart of every Bills fan, and scarred our psyche for the rest of our lives.

Why did I feel compelled to bring it up again?

Blame Scott Norwood.

Look, I don’t blame him for losing the game….he just failed to win it for us.

But now he’s messing with us again.

Did you see the story that his AFC Championship rings are up for auction?

My first reaction was “Oh my God, some deranged Bills fan is going to buy them and bring them to Buffalo”.

NOOOOOOO!  THAT CAN’T HAPPEN!

I liked Scott Norwood.  He was a good kicker except for that one moment when we really needed him.

By all accounts, he’s a good human being.  And maybe he needs the money.  Maybe he’s in debt.  I hope he gets lots of money for the rings….AS LONG AS THEY DON’T COME HERE.

It’s that cosmic forces thing.

We all know, deep down inside, that if Scott Norwood made that field goal, life in Western New York would have been different.

The Bills would have won at least one more Super Bowl.

No Goal would have been ruled no goal.

Home Run Throwback would have been ruled a forward lateral.

We’d have Bass Pro.  We’d have a new Peace Bridge.

It would be like “It’s a Wonderful Life”.

But none of it happened, because Scott Norwood missed the kick.

So he has to stay away.

Scott Norwood, or anything that has anything to do with Scott Norwood, cannot come back to Western New York until after the Bills actually win a Super Bowl.

You think I’m over-reacting?

Don’t mess with cosmic forces.

Remember a couple years ago when the Bills looked pretty good.  We even dared to use the P-word.  But then it happened.  Scott Norwood.

In their infinite wisdom, the Bills decided it was time to honor Norwood.

So naturally, the team lost that game.  They stunk.  And the lost the next game.  And the next one, and the one after that.  Seven in a row and the season went down the tube.

Cosmic forces.

Which brings me to this year’s Super Bowl.

Congratulations, Seattle.  You’ve become Buffalo.

Admit it, Bills fans.  When they threw that interception, we had these three reactions in the next 2.7 seconds:

• I can’t believe they did that.
• I can’t believe they gave the game to the Patriots.
• That’s what usually happens to us.

We’re Bills fans, we expect things like that to happen to us…..we expect to lose in a devastatingly disappointing way because it happens to us all the time.

So maybe it happened to Seattle because of cosmic forces.

Maybe because of Marshawn Lynch.  Since they got him, he’s played well and has never hit anyone with his car or gotten caught with a gun in his trunk or done any of the other stupid things he did here.

Admit it, even though we hate the Patriots with the heat of a thousand suns, there was something just a little rewarding about knowing Lynch was deprived of the chance to be the hero.

Maybe because of Pete Carroll.  Slimy, smarmy Pete Carroll will forever be known as the man who made the dumbest decision in the history of the Super Bowl.  Maybe in the history of professional sports.  Hell, let’s call it one of the worst decisions in the history of the world.

Although filling the Hindenburg with hydrogen didn’t work out all that well.

Neither did President McKinley’s decision to come to Buffalo in 1901.

Cosmic forces again.  That’s when things started going downhill for us. 

Hmmmm….maybe if McKinley hadn’t been shot, Norwood would have made the kick.

Brady, Belichick, Balls and Bills Fans

Thank you, New England Patriots.

That’s right, a Bills fan is thanking the team we hate.

For two reasons.

One, they’ve inspired me to get back to this blog, for the first time in a very very long time.  I’ve missed it….I’ve thought about it a lot…but nothing got me inspired enough.

Thank you, New England Patriots for that.

The second reason is much more important.   

Thank you Patriots for making what is usually THE WORST WEEK OF THE YEAR for Bills fans actually bearable.  At times, even enjoyable.

That’s right, Super Bowl week.  That’s right, there’s a game Sunday.  A really important game.  But who cares, other than the Patriots, the Seahawks, their fans, gamblers, advertisers, network executives, and Roger Goodell.

Nope, America cares about Tom Brady’s balls.  How soft are they?  How did they get that way?  (Does anyone else see the irony in someone married to a supermodel liking his balls deflated?)

Here we are, one day away from the game, and Deflategate is still being talked about as much as, if not more than, the game itself.

Did the Patriots cheat?  What will the NFL do about it?

The polls.
The pundits.
The panic.

It’s like an election, except no one is saying anything as stupid as Rick Perry.

Actually, lots of people are.   

Especially Patriots fans.  Have you been on any of their forums?  There are so many conspiracy theories coming out of New England, the only thing missing is Oliver Stone.

Patriots fans are acting all outraged and saying it’s an NFL conspiracy to discredit their team and fans of every other team are just jealous of the Pats and they wouldn’t cheat, they’ve never done anything wrong.    

Oh, wait a minute.

Everyone has an opinion.  Everyone is sharing their opinion.  Everyone is talking about it, even if they’re saying they’re sick of talking about it.

So why is this so good for Bills fans?

Because ordinarily, Super Bowl week is our week of hell.  You can’t turn on a sports network or go to a website without seeing stories about the greatest Super Bowls ever, which means seeing Wide Right every 22.7 minutes.  Or the biggest Super Bowl goats of all time, which means seeing Wide Right every 22.7 minutes.  Or the biggest Super Bowl disappointments of all time, which means seeing Wide Right every 22.7 minutes.

Okay, you get the idea.  This is also the week we see Leon Lett, Thurman’s helmet, and of course Jimmy Johnson’s hair being mussed up.

I HATE SUPER BOWL WEEK.

Usually it’s a week-long trip down a memory lane loaded with heartache and heartburn.

An annual reminder of our four straight losses.

Although, 20 years later, the accomplishment of getting there four straight years, bouncing back after every disappointment, does get as much if not more recognition than the four straight losses.

Every year, this week is a constant barrage of bad memories.

But not this year.   Maybe I’ve missed it, but I haven’t seen as much as usual.

And that’s because all this hot air about air in footballs has taken up so much of the airwaves.

So thank you Patriots.

And speaking of the game…..could anyone be less excited?  Other than Patriots and Seahawks fans, does anyone in America like either of these teams?

Usually we have a team to root for, or one to root against.

But as a Bills fan, what are our options?

We know we can’t root for the Patriots.  It’s against every fiber of our being.

Which leaves Seattle.  The lesser of two evils.  Evil being the key word.

Pete Carroll.  Slimy, arrogant, obnoxious Pete Carroll. 

And then there’s Marshawn Lynch.   He may be playing at a Hall of Fame level right now, but when he was here, he was in our Hall of Shame.  The hit and run.  The gun in the trunk.  The restaurant incident.

When he was traded, did anyone really think he wouldn’t end up suspended again or worse?

Instead, he’s a bigger punk on a bigger stage.  And he could get his second Super Bowl ring…assuming he hasn’t lost the first one fleeing the scene of a crime.  That would give him as many as Elway.  One more than Peyton Manning, or Walter Payton.

Personally, I don’t want either team to win.  My best-case scenario is a giant sinkhole opening up at the stadium and swallowing both teams.  (Of course it’s far more likely that a sinkhole would only open up on the Seahawks side, and the Patriots’ ballboy will be seen running from the stadium with a shovel and Tom Brady will admit that he likes soft dirt)

But however the game turns out, we all owe the Patriots a big thank you.

It’s actually been a fun week.   

For a change.

 

WNY keeps an infamous inmate

I don’t know about you, but I’m glad Mark Chapman isn’t leaving Western New York.  It’s not like I’m friends with the guy.  It's not like I visit him regularly in prison.  I’ve never even met him, which is probably a good thing since if I did I would tell him he deserves to spend the rest of his life behind bars until he dies a miserable, painful death at which point not only will he go to hell, he’ll go to the special place in hell.

But despite all that, I’m glad he’s staying here.

When I heard that Chapman had been transferred out of Attica Prison after 31 years, my first thought was that he was being shipped downstate somewhere….just like they did with Attica’s other most notorious inmate, Son of Sam killer David Berkowitz.  But then when I heard that Chapman was merely being shipped to another WNY prison, the Wende Correctional Facility in Alden, I was relieved.

Why, you might ask?

Why, if I feel such a strong sense of loathing for the man who killed John Lennon, do I want him to remain here in our area.

Simple.

I like to write about him.

And as long as he’s in a local prison, I can use the excuse that it’s a local story.

Let’s face it, for a lot of people under a certain age, Chapman is no big deal.  Sure, everyone knows the Beatles….and everyone knows what John Lennon meant to the music world and the world in general…..but if you weren’t around when he was murdered, or you were too young to be affected by it…..Chapman is just a guy who killed a famous guy.

But if you were old enough back in December 1980, Lennon’s murder was a generational moment.  You remember where you were when you heard the news.  You remember how stunned you were when you heard the news.   For millions of Americans, it was during Monday Night Football.  Howard Cosell, of all people, broke the news.

For many people, it was the day the music died.  

When celebrities die…especially when it’s unexpected….it hits us emotionally.  We react like we’ve lost a member of our family.

It happened when Michael Jackson died.  It happened a few months ago when Whitney Houston died.  For music fans of a certain age, it was Kurt Cobain’s suicide. 

John Lennon’s murder changed the world.

Chapman was sentenced to 20 years to life.    Since 2000, every two years he’s had a parole hearing.  Every time, he was denied.  He’s up for parole again this year.  And I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that once again the answer will be no.  Which it should be.

Chapman didn’t get the death penalty, because he couldn’t in New York State.  But he deserves to die in prison.  This is one of those cases where a life sentence needs to be a life sentence.

Yeah, I know what you’re going to say.  Look at me, valuing one life over another, saying John Lennon’s murder was worse than others because he was a celebrity.  No, it was worse because he was John Lennon.  He wasn’t just a Beatle.  He was one of the most influential people of the 20^th Century.

We don’t know why Chapman was transferred out of Attica.  By all accounts, he was a model prisoner there.  He was even allowed conjugal visits with his wife.  I’m sure she wrote a lovely letter to the Parole Board in 2010 asking for his release.  Yoko Ono also wrote a letter last time around….just like she did every previous time….urging them to keep Chapman behind bars.   She’ll probably do it again this year.

And since Chapman is staying here in WNY….I can write something then too if I want.  Which I probably will.  As you can tell, I feel pretty strongly about it.

So thank you, state prison officials, for keeping him here.   And giving me an excuse to keep writing about him.